Bad Choices

Forget Bump of Chicken, and say hello to Kobe's very own Permanent Fish, already red hot favourites for this year's daft name competition, and we're only 13 days in.

Seen belting out a version of 'Hound Dog' outside Sogo department store recently, this serious-looking 5-piece boy band have been putting in some much-needed practice since their truly woeful debut on YouTube last year with possibly the world's worst rendition of Uptown Girl.

At the same time, my equally woeful Japanese spared me from a guest appearance on Radio Osaka FM 851's LOVEFLAP. We could see the eager journalist trying to make eye contact with us as we made our exit from the New Year's hatsumoude celebrations at the Ikuta shrine. He wasn't put off when we protested that our Japanese was not up to the task (the DJ apparently could speak a little English) but he did yield to the unbending logic that the good citizens of Osaka probably don't want to hear interviews in English. I asked him where the ridiculous name came from. "Well, you know us Japanese", he said " we like to borrow English names". "Yes, but you borrow all the wrong ones", I replied. The lad smiled politely. They know of no other way of smiling in these parts.

That brought to mind some other inappropriate choices of English that have brightened up our days wandering around Kobe. Like the Floor Guide in the Comme Ca Ism department store...

And we thought this place was a massage parlour, but on reflection I'm not so sure. Maybe it was just auto-suggestion...